Saturday, December 31, 2005

Dirty Girl Crafting: Vibrator Cozies

For Christmas last year I bought myself three "toys". One of them (Blueberry Buzz, but I call him Blue) became quite a favorite of mine. So much so, for their birthdays I bought each of my girlfriends a Blue of their very own (after all, every woman needs a well-stocked Drawer of Sin).

Upon first glance, Blue doesn't look like much. But truly, he does pack a punch. I told each of my friends that within 3 weeks, they would be calling me and thanking me for the gift. I was wrong - it only took a few days for them to make the thank-you calls.

For Christmas this year, I decided to make a little something for the Blue in their lives. I had some great yarn left over from another project, so I decided to knit up a vibrator cozy. A nice, warm Blue is important on chilly Wisconsin evenings. And besides, what's more fun than accessorizing your accessories?

Here's a shot of my Blue modeling one on my bar (the other is empty -- poor cozy):

And here's another of Blue on my pillow:

Knit flat with only a few decreases, it was simple to make. Rose Garden Landscape yarn, size 11 needles and half an hour or so in front of the television and you can have yourself your own Blue Cozy.

Cast on 12 stitches. Knit in stocking knit for a few inches (use your own Blue to figure the length out). To decrease (on RS): k2tog, k3, k2tog, k3, sl1, k1, psso (9 stitches remaining). I did another 2 rows in stocking knit, and then another decrease: k2tog, k2tog, k1, k2tog, sl1, k1, psso (6 stitches remaining). 1 more row of stocking knit. Break yarn, thread it through remaining stitches pulling it tight to form the tip. Take the tail of the yarn and using the mattress stitch, seam the side up. Voila! A vibrator cozy.

They loved their gifts (of course) and couldn't wait to deck out their own Blue's.

Edited to add direct link to Blueberry Buzz. Warning: It is a link to a sex toy shop -- younger readers beware. Don't say I didn't warn ya'.

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Friday, December 30, 2005

Favorite Song of the Week: Hot Potato

This little ditty has been stuck in my head for days. It's a catchy, goofy and upbeat sliver of sunshine on a dreary December day in Wisconsin. It makes me want to dance all silly like.

Machine Go Boom is a band out of Ohio making "a frighteningly good mix of acoustic folk balladry, amphetamine-lit punk, and synth-fed new wave" pop music. Gotta love that.

They have a MySpace site where you can sample other songs. If you like them, be their friend and then go out and by Thank You Captain Obvious.

Listen: Machine Go Boom - Hot Potato mp3

*** Favorite Song Last Week ***

Thursday, December 29, 2005

It Chaps My Ass: Online Dream Dictionary

I had a bizarre dream last night. In my dream I was pregnant (yes, I too shudder at the thought). In the end, I did have a baby boy but in my dream I never gave birth, it just... arrived.

Curious, I hopped online to check out what dreaming about pregnancy could possibly mean. That's when I read this:


If the dreamer is a woman and you dream you are pregnant then you will see a big increase in your income, but if you are unwed and sad you will experience losses. For a man to dream that he is the father of the child he is warned about indiscriminate sexual relations and one night stands.

A big increase in my income? Bring it on! But then I hit the "unwed" part of the analyzation. Unwed and sad. Hm. What if I'm unwed and happy? Do I still get the raise? Or is it just assumed that because I'm unwed I'm sad? Is it only women who are married (happily or unhappily, apparently) who get the big increase? And why the difference?

As for men, well, what's the warning? That he could end up with an unwanted child? Are unwanted children only outcomes of "indiscriminate sexual relations and one night stands"? What happens if they aren't the father in the dream? Nada? Sorry guys, no cash for you.

Interesting how the meanings are different between genders. It's just a dream after all. Men can dream that they are pregnant, why is that option left out all together? And why aren't women warned of sleeping around?

This must be a Freudian thing. I never studied much psychology... perhaps I should start. Regardless, it chaps my ass.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Post-Holiday Reverie

Ahhh the holidays. Food, family, gifts... and liquor to help make it all go down a little easier. I'm sure I hit my 3-5 lb gain quota over the past two weeks of celebrating. Cookies and beer: a combination to surely put you over the edge.

I did try two firsts this holiday season: pickled herring and liver pate. Yes, pickled herring is a staple at any WI family gathering, but I've always been a bit afraid of it. It's really not as bad as it sounds. The liver pate? Eh. It was OK. Don't think I'll ever crave it, don't think I can have more than one or two crackers of it, but it's all right.

Thought I'd post a recipe for soup that I made this year: Caramelized Onion and Portobello Mushroom Soup. It's definitely a keeper and wanted to share. I based it on an Epicurious recipe, but altered it to better fit my tastes. It's a great soup for entertaining and easy to make. Like a French Onion Soup, I highly recommend throwing the soup in a little oven-safe dishes, top it with garlic toast and some mozz and broiling it until the cheese is all brown and bubbly. Mmmmm... cheese....

Caramelized Onion and Portobello Mushroom Soup (6 servings)
    3 Tbs butter
    5 cups of thinly sliced onion
    4-5 fresh thyme sprigs
    1 1/2 lbs portobello mushrooms, stemmed, caps halved and cut crosswise into 1/4" thick strips
    2 Tbs Cognac or brandy
    5 garlic cloves
    2 cans fat free chicken broth
    2 can fat free beef broth
    1 cup dry white wine
    dash of cayenne pepper
    salt and black pepper to taste
  1. Melt 1 Tbs butter in heavy large pot over high heat. Add onions and thyme; saute until onions begin to soften (about 8 mins).

  2. Reduce hat to low; cook until onions are caramelized, stirring occasionally (about 20 mins). Transfer onion mixture to a medium bowl.

  3. Melt remaining 2 Tbs butter in the same pot over medium-high heat. Add mushrooms; saute until soft (about 12 mins).

  4. Add Cognac and garlic; stir 20 seconds.

  5. Stir in onion mixture, then broth and wine. Bring to boil. Reduce heat to low; simmer until onions are very tender (about 45 mins).

  6. Discard thyme sprigs. Season soup with cayenne pepper, salt and black pepper.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Favorite Song of the Week: Omaha

Of course I have a new favorite song! This week it somes from Tapes 'n Tapes off their new album the loon.

Check out Omaha. Great lyrics and a catchy drum beat.

*** Favorite Song Last Week ***

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Cross Stitch With An Edge

Believe it or not, there is such a thing. Cross stitch kits don't come in your standard Disney character, landscape, or Jesus flavors any more.

For those of you who like your needle arts with more of an edge, try subversive cross stitch.

The obligatory ducks, hearts and flowers are present in each pattern but with a twist that are sure to make your grandma blush. Kits like life sucks then you die, homo sweet homo, and go fuck yourself are available for as little as $12.

What are you waiting for? Go get your craft on!

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

"Best of 2005" Lists

Seems like everyone is publishing their "Best of 2005" lists. Seeing as I'm in the giving mood today, thought I'd compile I nice little post with neat little links to said lists. I'll add to the post as I find 'em. Enjoy!

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Revirgination. Not as easy as it sounds...

Thought the only way to reclaim your virginity was to buy a book and remain celibate for an extended period of time? Oh, not so my friends.

For a couple grand, you can now have your hymen surgically restore. A couple dissovlable stitches, a few weeks recovery time and it's like "nothing every happened". Hymenoplasty -- sounds appetizing, doesn't it? According to the Wall Street Journal, in the world of vaginal surgery the hymenoplasty business is booming.

Apparently it works just like it did when you were a teen -- the membrane tears causing pain and bleeding. Hm. Pain and bleeding. You know, when I think back on all of the sexual experiences I've had, the one I want to relive is the one when where I experienced vaginal PAIN AND BLEEDING.

Why would anyone want do go through such a procedure, you ask? A 40 year old woman in the article had a hymenoplasty done as part of a gift to her husband on their 17th wedding anniversary. "It's the ultimate gift for a man who has everything".

Ahem. Ultimate gift. So, it's really not golf in mexico. Or DNA storage. It's a repaired hymen. Funny, don't think I've ever seen that one at the top of a wish list before.

I don't think the Wall Street Journal is going to write any articles about the "ultimate gift for a woman who has everything", so I thought I'd put a short one together for us. Men, pay attention:

Anything to add, let me know!

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Thursday, December 15, 2005

Favorite Song of the Week: Upon This Tidal Wave Of Young Blood

Edit 12/22/05: Looks like the link to Satan Said Dance is broken. Too bad, it's a great song. Oh well. I'll point you to another great CYHSY song instead: Upon This Tidal Wave Of Young Blood

Alrighty folks, here we go, my favorite song of the week:

Satan Said Dance by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah. It was recorded live in Atlanta, GA in October and is pretty good quality.

They just recenlty signed to Witchita Recordings. Look for an album release end of January!