My Valentine's Day Rant

I'm not a fan of Valentine's Day. The whole idea of being obligated to show your love to someone on a pre-determined day is just a bunch of crap. An idealized, Hallmark/Lifetime Television/Disney version of "true love" and "romance" is shoved down our collective throat. Yeah, have a mall jeweler/grocery store florist/greeting card executive/talking stuffed panda bear help you find the right way to express your feelings.

Crap. All of it. Lackluster. Unimaginative. Status-quo.

Forget the fancy dinner and expensive bottle of champagne. I'll take eating chinese take-out from the cartons and drinking cheap red wine out of tumblers any day.

Oh sure, I like flowers, but how about adopting a tree instead of dropping $50 on roses that'll last a week and a half?

Pricey tickets to a play? I'd much rather play a rousing game of strip scrabble in the middle of the living room floor while listening to a homemade mix tape.

I'll pass on the matching undergarments - I wear my bright orange bra and lime green panties together on purpose. If you insist on matching items, how about a Zep t-shirt and matching Chucks?

A diamond heart-shaped pendant? Nah. Contrary to popular belief, diamonds aren't a girl's best friend. Multiple orgasms are.

Be creative! Be different! Be unique! Be unexpected! After all, if you've fallen for me, it's for those exact reasons.

Yes, it is all about me. We women tend to get the better end of the deal on Valentine's Day. You? I'll get you next month on Steak & BJ Day.